DIY WEDDING VOWS
HOW TO WRITE YOUR OWN WEDDING VOWS
Welcome! We hear you need some help writing your wedding vows. Luckily you’re in the right place and we’re so glad you’re here.
Read on for our seven-step process that will help you write the best darn vows possible.
If you’d like a little professional help after going through this process, we’ve got your back with our Review by an Expert service.
All right, let’s do this!
Step 1: Schedule some “me” time.
Getting started is the hardest part. Put some personal time on your calendar so you can sit down with your writing utensil of choice. After checking Facebook, close your web browser (wait—unless you’re still using Internet Explorer... then first, go download Chrome—you can thank us later) and open a blank text document.
Or grab a pen and paper if you’re old school.
Step 2: Brainstorming (aka warming up those writing muscles).
For ten minutes, write anything that comes to mind when you think about your leading lady or humble hunk. This is a judgment-free zone (sexy thoughts are OK, but try not to linger on them), and be sure to address what you want to vow to your partner. Remember this writing doesn’t have to sound nice. You’re just penning ideas.
Set a timer and start writing!
Feeling stuck? Totally normal. Answer one or more of these questions as you write:
When did you fall in love with your partner or want to be with them forever?
What is something your partner does that makes you smile?
What do you admire about your fiancé(e)?
What are your favorite qualities that they possess?
Why are you lucky to be marrying them?
How have you changed since you met them?
What do you want to promise to them?
Or complete one or both of these tasks:
Describe some of your favorite memories of your partner.
Jot down a few inside jokes you two have.
After ten minutes of writing (if not more), save your document, stand up, and take a short break. Do anything but write.
We’ll see you in 5 minutes.
Step 3: Organization is more than half the battle.
Your 8th grade English teacher was right. An outline gives you a place to start organizing your thoughts. A standard vows outline looks like this:
I. Saying “hello” and complimenting your partner
II. Things that are awesome about them
III. Things about you that relate to them (e.g. how they make you a better person)
IV. Promises you want to make to them
V. Final thought or statement of love
(Feel free to copy that into your document. We’ll wait.)
You’ve now got ideas, and you’ve got an organized way with which to present those ideas. Fab! Time to smoosh them together.
Revisit your brainstorm session. Some of the thoughts you wrote down should fit into items I-V of the outline. Copy and paste those thoughts under where you think they might go. You’ll probably have a bullet pointed list that looks something (or maybe even nothing) like this:
I. Saying “hello” and complimenting your partner
Annabelle has always smelled like home to me.
Looks gorgeous no matter what.
II. Things that are awesome about them
She is amazing at communicating with all types of living creatures: kids, adults, seniors, plants, horses. Her ability to empathize with and understand others is incredible.
I love that she says “yes!” to life. Will do a backpacking trip, bingo, and ballet in the same day.
III. Things about you that relate to them
I’m so thankful she is so good at taking care of me.
She’s made me a more generous person.
IV. Promises you want to make to them
To take care of her because she’s good at taking care of me.
To grow as people together.
V. Final thought/final statement of love
I knew I wanted to be with her forever when we built a blanket fort in her living room before we moved in together.
Step 4: The actual act of writing.
Unless you want to speak in bullet points (which may work for you!), you’ll now want to start writing sentences around your initial, outlined thoughts. Don’t be afraid to return to your brainstorming list for more ideas, and don’t be afraid to repeat Step 2 if you’re coming up short.
Based on our brainstorming and outline, here’s how the opening might start to look:
Annabelle, I know you prefer pajamas to ball gowns, and you are beautiful in both. But today you look awe-inspiringly stunning.
Since I met you, I’ve been comforted by your presence—you just remind me of home. And I know I’m not alone: your friends seek you out for advice, our houseplants seem to blossom just for you, and I’ve never seen a dog not wag his tail at you when you walk by. I’m so honored to have such a good force of life as my partner.
Pro tip: As you write, don’t judge yourself or restrict yourself. Just try to craft sentences. We don’t recommend erasing anything. If you write something you don’t like much, hit return and keep writing.
After an hour, stand up, and walk away. You’ve just earned yourself 24 hours of time off.
Step 5: Take a second look.
Schedule some more “me” time to sit down and re-read everything you’ve written (and keep your paws off the keyboard!). You’ll likely see sentences you want to change, or feel inspired by new sentiments.
After you’ve read through once, start making alterations. Use the “Save As” feature—you never know when your original thoughts might be useful. We always save each version of a piece using this nomenclature: Jane Vows – v1; Jane Vows – v2; etc.
Repeat this step as needed.
Step 6: Read the whole thing out loud.
Finally—and we can’t stress this enough—you must read this out loud before the big day. Many days before the big day, if you can. As you read, you will quickly discover if any sentences don’t work once said out loud. Make a note, and revise them.
Check out our Wedding Vow Speech Coaching Tips for more on this topic!
Step 7: Ask for feedback!
Ask a trusted friend or family member to listen to your vows (one of our clients even read them to his hairdresser!) and give you feedback. See if they have any qualms, advice, or just lots of high-fives/tears, and incorporate any compelling thoughts they share.
At some point during this process, check in with your finance regarding the logistics of your vows, including tone and length. This way on the big day you’ll be in sync and won’t end up with one partner having a humorous 7-minute long passage and the other partner with tear-jerking 2-minute long vows. On that note, we recommend sticking in the 1-3 minute range for vows. Have more to say? Consider putting it in a letter for your sweetie to read on the morning of your wedding.
Also decide if you want to keep your vows a secret from each other or if you want to share them before the big day. Regardless of what you two decide, getting on the same page early on will make the whole process go smoother.
Okay, you’re ready! Go forth and get married with confidence and great words (and if you need help we’re just an email away — muse@vowmuse.com).
WHO IS VOW MUSE?
photo via The New York Times
Since 2010 Vow Muse founders, Angie & Alicia, have been helping couples make their big day sparkle with custom-written wedding vows, speeches, and ceremonies. Combining your stories and style with their creative energy, this collaborative process results in one-of-a-kind wordsmithery that offers a fresh take on old traditions and brilliantly feels just like you.
